CONSPIRACY: ALGERIA BRIBED STATE DEPT. FOR WEAPON APPROVAL VIA CLINTON FOUNDATION!!!1!1!!1!!1

According to a pro-Sanders author at Salon, of which they have many, bribes to the Clintons (including Chelsea, for some reason) have been uncovered that Clinton simply has no answer for. "NO ANSWER," they say!

Here are the "facts" that they gave:

XKCD

• Hillary took over the job of Secretary of State in 2008. 
• In 2011, Algeria donated $500,000 "in cash" to the Clinton Foundation.
• In 2012, the State Department approved an 70% increase in military exports to Algeria, including items not approved the previous year.
• Therefore, FACT [citation needed]: Hillary Clinton was bribed by Algeria to approve those items, via the Clinton Foundation.
• Also, Algeria has a poor human rights record, which has to be considered in weapon allotments due to a previously passed executive order.
• Thus, FACT [citation needed]: Algeria's human rights record was not considered during this process.

Here are the facts that they conveniently omitted: 

 

• The donation was monetary, not "cash." No truck pulled up to the Foundation's lobby and dumped a truck full of umarked bills with nonsequential serial numbers in the security desk, accompanied by a post-it that said "Pls 2 gv wepnz k? Al G."
• The Clinton Foundation is an A rated charity, which puts 88% of its intake towards charity, as opposed to overhead like salary and fundraising.
• 0% of this money was paid to a member of Hillary Clinton's immediate family.
• While Chelsea Clinton does give talks for a fee as an official representative of the Foundation, 100% of that fee goes to the Foundation.
• Algeria is nextdoor to Libya.
• In 2011, the "Libyan Crisis" started, a civil war which changed the security needs of neighboring countries, such as Algeria.

  

  Tanks in photo may appear larger than they be. And also chosen at random.

 

• The increased approval rate happened at exactly the same time as a sudden increase in security needs, specifically in Algeria.
• The Clinton Foundation works with countries to aid impoverished people via farming programs, health programs, renewable energy programs, reforestation programs, and HIV prevention programs through reputable and stable programs by local standards, for instance, the standards of countries like Algeria.
• While Algeria's civil rights record and its leader are suspect, no proof is presented to address the "it wasn't considered" allegation. It was likely considered along with a host of other issues, like that the unstable country next door was having a civil war.
• They didn't ask a question. It's difficult to answer an unasked question.
• No, seriously, don't scream about your questions going unanswered when you haven't even asked one. You're a "journalist;" do some freaking research. I was able to find the real reason within 30 seconds on Google.

And if you go down the right wing rabbit hole that spawned this conspiracy theory, fact added:

• Eric Braverman, who worked with Chelsea Clinton at a previous job, was made CEO of the Clinton Foundation in 2013, PROVING that the Foundation pays Chelsea Clinton through her "friend."

Omitted from that rabbit hole:

• That previous job was advising non-profits and countries with a focus on strategy (including fundraising strategy), a job that he had since 1997. Presumably, he had some prior experience to get that job. If I refuse to Google it, I'm still not as lazy as the Salon writer.
• He was hired to transition the charity from a "Former President and First Lady" funding approach to an approach detached from the Clinton family, in order to reinvigorate funding and avoid any appearance of a conflict of interest.
• He has since left the foundation.

(But obviously, Chelsea Clinton is still being bribed by Algeria through him or something. I know that when my company is looking for people and I know someone extremely qualified with whom I have a good working relationship, I demand a cut of all of his future pay. Who doesn't?)

Dafuq, Salon?

Why exactly have we regressed to the Biased Political Easily Disproved Paranoia Phase again?

Oh right. Because the GOP knows that Clinton will be the nominee and is using what's left of the Sanders' zealots to try to damage the woman who should otherwise beat Trump in the upcoming election. If these dudes were as politically informed as they think they are, maybe they would have remembered instability in the region at the time and bothered to Google for a map of Algeria.

Coming tomorrow, Salon literally quotes Karl Rove about Hillary Clinton and it's ALL TRUE I SAY!

Attributions: Post-it blank. Map of northern Africa. Tank.

PS. I really wanted a blink tag for this. Satire of uninformed paranoid ranting is its only appropriate use.